Yesterday I took my first ever dose of T. This is the beginning of my non binary transition. Beginnings… perhaps the real beginning was over a year ago when I realised that non binary transition was indeed a possibility, but any journey has its key moments and for the sake of celebration I will take the day I pushed a needle into my thigh as a beginning.
Here in South African, the non binary/gender queer community is very small so there isn’t much support for people considering non binary transition. That said; I have found myself a small but supportive group of non-binary folk who have been an essential part of my journey. I remember asking at a trans support group meeting in October last year “Transition to what exactly though? What transition is there for non binary people?” I found my answer… transition to a self that I can recognise in the mirror. Transition that embraces the liminal space between genders. Transition to the beautiful, complicated ungendered place holder that is my internal sense of self.
One of my dear gender queer friends helped me document my pre-T body and first T shot. I am usually a pretty self assured person but exposing myself in such a vulnerable way was difficult… not the taking my clothing off to document my body but rather the intention behind looking at myself as a work in progress and seeing myself head to foot (something I haven’t done in years). The intentional looking at those parts of me that are so entwined with body dysphoria; wide hips, the way I can’t contain my feminine softness in a binder, a body made up of too many curves. Beyond the raw vulnerability I feel empowered, because I know that I can change this form of mine to something that fits better.
Here are the photos by Germaine de Larch you can see more of their work here.
Thanks for reading and sharing my journey with me. Here’s to the future!